The Leather-Bound Book

I've tried to write an entire book and thus far, I have failed. So, if you can't beat 'em, join em, eh?

So, something for the festive season I am writing from. At the moment, I happen to RP in about....5 different places with differing levels of success. One of the places I seem to be dying on my arse is Anime League's Roleplayer's Realm. There, I decided it might be fun to send Tyro into RR utterly unchanged as part of the worlds gradual shift into a new age. In this new world that 2012 brought, everyone is not dead. Instead, two major events happened: unlimited energy was discovered and supernatural creatures started to come back. Tyro in responce, thought it a good idea to try and help out the little world he found himself stuck on. So, now living in Brighton, England, he starts up a small group called "Helsing" after reading Bram Stokers 'Dracula'. Honest to whatever deity pleases you, I wasn't aware of the Anime but, yeah. Think Torchwood but without any, and I do mean any, resources at all. Tyro starts from scratch trying to set up a Supernatural Police. Anyway, I thought it interesting to think about a character like Tyro, who's life has been a delight to torture by adding weirder and weirder kinks, should end up in somewhere as normal as, I dunno, Poundland?

ITS FIGGING NOVEMBER!

He skips round the corner, pushing past a small girl with her mum. Past the shelves packed with art supplies and stands to stop in front of the man in the dark green t-shirt on the step ladder, wrestling with tinsel. He had lost it completely. I'd not looked at anything this morning, had he? No...no, he'd not looked at the paper today. Or any computer for that matter. Hey, he needed milk. Those O's need Milk and he was hungry now. Thank Inari this pace was just near by...In the three seconds, he stood watching this man on the step ladder like a cat praying for the spider to come a bit closer, he'd attracted a little bit of attention from passers as they squeezed by him. The employee looked down back at what looked like a tramp, staring at his hands with such wide-eyed fascination under the thick fringe of this man. The open-mouthed gormlessness carried on for another second or two while the employee reeled from the odd behaviour of this man. The Employee rubs his wristwatch as though the weirdo had heated it before speaking.
"C, can I help you?"
"What's the date?" The Strange Man asked. Instinctively, the Employee looks to his wristwatch, his small, green eyes scan the numbers in between the hands.
"21st of November." He answers.
"So, what's with the decorations?"
"It's for Christmas."
"But it's November."
"I know."
"Who puts them up now? Isn't it bad luck or something?"
"I, I wouldn't know...I just-"
"Why not wait till December? Then your not confusing everyone." The Strange Man said like this was just common sense.
"I dunno about confusing every-"
"Then why are you putting up decorations in November?"
"Phill told me to?"
"Well, Phill's an idiot."
"Well, I..."
"He should know that putting up Christmas Decorations is something you do near to Christmas. What your doing is mad." It wasn't his lips or his face, the Employee was watching. It was his hands making cure every single syllable had some movement with it. As he declared the store's insanity, his hands made parallel chopping motions along with every beat of his speech.
"Your making the shop look stupid four weeks too early, " He continued "when you could bond with customers better if you had similar habits to them. Does that make sense? Your alienating everyone by defying tradition!"
The Employee stepped down from his perch on the stepladder.
"Well, it's just companies trying to get you to buy their stuff early." The Employee said, gruffly.
"Then don't do what everyone else is doing and stand out!" The Man said.
"Sorry? I don't make the de-"
"You can stand out and be individual by doing what everyone else is doing: putting decorations up in December. Be an individual by being a conformist." The Man turned away to gesture to the High Street outside. "Everyone seems to try and be different and individual. But as a result, they still end up exactly the same. While I know I think quite a bit when I'm on my own. Maybe I'm usually on my own to much and I guess I just bottle this stuff up but it's interesting to think that within being unique is the possibility of losing that uniqueness by trying too hard, don't you think?" The Man looks back towards the Employee only to find he's gone. In fact, he comes from round the corner with an Indian woman the same height as him with dyed-red hair in a bob cut. He is talking to her while jabbing his stubby fingers at the Man.

Ah bugger...Does this place have security guards?

I've joined an RP lately that had such a silly premise that I had to join it just because of this comical potential within it. While I don't think I'm much of a comic writer, I thought it might be fun all the same. So I joined up. I'm not going to tell you anything else about this RP, I'm going to invite you to guess.


Sawmill - 14:00 Hours

"AAAAAAATEEEEEN-SHUN!" No reaction what-so-ever from the blonde in the helmet. "Ah-hem!" The ponies' wide-eyes look up at the man.
"Yes?" She says, with a voice halfway between a whisper and a hush.
"Private! I said to get in line!" Growled the Soldier, boots stomping their way in front of the pony and staring from on high.
"You, you said 'Attention'. I don't know what you-"
"IN LINE NOW, PRIVATE!" The Soldier barks, the pony attempting to vanish under her helmet with a squeak. "PRIVATE! Get out from under that helmet and stand straight! This is no time for hiding! Now!" He said, turning on the spot towards the dummy he'd set up. It was a hastily put together potato sack stuffed with straw then attatched to a wooden pole. A bucket with a face on it made for the scarecrow Heavy's face while he'd done nothing about the arms.
"This is a representation of the enemy you shall be fighting."
"I can't reason with them?" She said.
"There isn't enough humanity to reason with, Private!" The Soldier said.
"Actually, my name is Flutter-"
"Quiet! Now! Who shall go first to smash the heavy?" The Soldier said, looking around the room with a large smile on his face. After a few awkward seconds of the Soldier looking for participation from a largely empty room, Fluttershy sticks a hoof in the air.
"Ah! Good! Thank you Private!" She trots forwards to in front of the dummy Heavy.
"Now, "Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack". We must over come his defence with our attack! You must become like a wild animal and rip that american hating dummy a new one!" The Soldier said, shaking a fist at the inanimate figure. "First! Roar at the bastard!"

Fluttershy walks up to the dummy, nervously takes a deep breath aaaand....makes a noise like kittens protesting about a lack of yarn. The Soldier sniggers.
"Come on! My Grandma could do better and she's died three times in the last month."
Fluttershy tries again...Intake of breath, rarring hersel up and....still as frightening as being slapped with a butterfly wing.
"Yep...We gotta long way to go..."