Intro to my book...

This is not a short story, but a full length novel. I have been writing it for roughly a year now and sorta stuck with how to end it. I currently have 158 pages written and perhaps another 20 to 50 before I am finished. Below are two paragraphs from my story and would love to know what everyone thinks. One is created for a more descriptive audience while the other is more scientific and rule related. I have created countless RPs based on my books theme but unable to figure out what to do next. If enough people enjoy the read, then I might post more and go further in depth, but for now, just tell me what you think.


In the city of New York, there is a building filled with rats; liars and thieves and all manner of rodents that fill the rooms along with the pungent stench that envelops them. Each being that lives in the apartment, deserving or not, lives with the sole intent of wasting their pathetic little lives away and accomplishing only what they feel is beneficial to their well being, and sometimes not even that. As each person wanders through existence, some of them seem to appreciate the life given to them more than others. Steve Duran was one such example of the many infestations that clutter the building known as Sunset Apartments. Steve foolishly believed that his life was valued more than that of others around him and for one simple, unfathomable reason: immortality. The rat who spent his last days watching pornography and eating whatever he could find in the streets believed that he was, in fact, immortal. The same man who scrounged for food from dumpsters and leaped for joy when he found an occasional quarter that he could save for an eventual greasy, fast food meal, thought he couldn’t die. Steve would soon realize how wrong he was because every man and woman has a due date and when it comes time to check out, nothing can stop it. Steve, however, remained oblivious to the rules of nature and continued to cling to his life that he had made so meaningless. He also remained oblivious to the man who stood outside the door of the room that he had broken into, and failed again to notice the knife that the man held so delicately in his right hand. In fact, if he had paid attention to closer detail of the man’s apparel he would have recognized the deep cut on his right hand that would have reminded him of his last crash on the subway. Not that remembering such a thing would matter at all for any thoughts he had would be irrelevant to the fact that he was about to die. For curiosity’s sake though, the first and last thought that came to Steve’s mind was, “What a nut job,” and for good reason too. As the man was dressed in an all black cloak that buttoned in the front and fit tightly across his chest. His black laced boots went half way up his legs and blended in with the slacks that vanished under the cloak. His hood was over his head keeping his face hidden from anyone who happen to see him. Only his white, scarred hands could be seen of which Steve failed to notice. Which was a shame seeing as the knife that he held in his left hand was the most important detail of all. The glimmering silver of the knife came flying upward, penetrating Steve’s chest and ultimately shutting off Steve’s so called immortality. A casual observer who might have the ill fortune of seeing such a hideous event might think to themselves, “What had that man done to deserve such a terrible punishment and who on earth could be willing to take a man’s life with such ease?” Well the answer to the observer’s question is yes. Yes what? Does it really matter? The thief known as Steve Duran is now dead but yet his existence really didn’t matter to anyone. He had no family to speak of and no ties to anyone so unless one happens to witness the event of Steve Duran’s murder, no one will care. Our human nature is what makes us feel obligated to feel sorry for the misfortune of others when we see it, but if we remain blissfully unaware of the suffering of others, then there is no reason to fret. As for the man who committed the crime, there is one logical explanation. He is not human.

Newton’s Third Law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. What is constantly overlooked, however, is that the law applies to everything in life and not just the melancholy of physics. For instance, man jumps off bridge and consequently dies when he lands. A simple enough concept, but here comes the twist, it is a lie. Even though the man jumping off the bridge proves Newton correct, there is still a greater force that decides when the man actually does die. His action was not what killed him and neither was the reaction. No, what killed the fool was a list, a list of names that show the rejects of death. Death, like Life, has rules and loopholes to those rules. When a man or woman is meant to die, then a series of events happens to ensure the person’s death. Be it a heart attack or a car crash or even a stabbing in a rundown building, in one way or another, we all die. So then who manages such a busy schedule? Most would assume that only God could do such a thing and for the longest time he did, but for those who don’t know God personally, and that is assuming that no living person does, he is more of a “hands off” kind of God. In fact, a man is in charge of maintaining the balance of life and because he was at one time “only human,” mistakes are often made. These loopholes, as they are noted, occur when someone living skips his Death Date. So to sum up the point, Newton’s Laws apply to the living and not the dead. Many have speculated about the existence of a being the controls the dead and they have come and gone with various names such as the grim reaper, which is referring entirely to a different branch of service among the dead, or even that the man is a god like Hades. All these speculations, although not completely wrong, are surely not completely right. The man cares not of a name, despite his many aliases, so to keep things simple he should be known as the most generic of names, Death.

Your intro is wonderful and really can pull a reader in. I hope you continue writing your book even if you don't post it here.