I'm working on a small story, and I'm not sure weather it's good enough to continue it, can I get some feed back and suggestions, I have the next part finished but I need to make sure this first part is okay. Thank you
Why can't I breathe? What's happening to me? Mom, Dad, are you there? Help me please. I can't breath, I can't move, brother... Help me!!
I open my eyes to a pale light coming from the curtains, ajar and tied to the sides with a white ribbon. The light grazing my face ever so softly, cloudy day has always given a pleasant feel. I look over to the side of my bed and there he was, sitting next to me with worried eyes.
"What happened?" I can't seem to recall anything after collapsing, well sort of, I was kind of conscience for a while.
"I'm not really sure honestly, you just collapsed and started burning up. Your cloths actually started to catch fire." He began inspecting my temperature. "You're okay now; for some reason though, you dont have any signs of burns and your in perfect health... as if it never happened."
"Kind of creepy huh, well I'm okay now and that's all that matters, right?" I sat up and smiled at him; he simply smiled back and nodded his head. "So do you want to go out to the river?" He looked at me skeptically.
"It's winter, it's probably frozen over."
"Probably, but what's wrong with skating on a frozen river?" I smiled widely and jumped out of bed. slipping into my shes he and I both ran out to the river.
Life in this world of Oblivio has normally always been peaceful. About 250 years ago, a nuclear war was being waged. Nothing would have survived the unstable and immense fallout of the over powered nuclear warheads. Thankfully the Florians in the eastern continents created a device known as Negate. It neutralized all elemental compounds of which could cause massive explosions, therefor, gun powder became useless as well as Uranium and all nuclear elements, even some radio active elements. You'd think life would be more of an Amish life in this way, fortunately the Florians also created Neutral, a small device which prevents the effects of Negate. All Neutrals must be installed by Government officials or are pre-installed when you purchase certain items such as fireworks, cars, microwaves, such items as those. Negate also has no effect on 100% natural fires, as long as there's flint, and gas or something to catch fire, fire still works; it mainly only works on technology, machines. The Florian Company D-tech is to thank for all of this.
Ever since then the need for war has become less and less, nobody really sees a point in fighting when in the end, we all had to depend on each other to begin with. Of course there's still crime and things as such, but with no funding going to weapons or war, and everybody has become stable and to equal terms with each other, income and prices are just right for just about everyone to have a good living. Natural disasters still remain a problem, but those who are in need of help get help. I guess the fear of being left alone with nobody to help has consumed us all. In this case, it's the best thing that could have ever happened.
I'll have the next part up after I get enough feed back on this ^-^
Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:52 am
