Brandy's poetry

I love to write poetry... but I'm really sure how good I am at it. Please comment and let me know!



Acceptance
A feather fallen on the blood-stained grass
Black as the night without stars.
A small little plume
Insignificant in the darkness,
Lonely and cold,
Shivering in the light wind.
The blood it lies in is its own,
Come from its eternal bleeding,
And it's need for acceptance.
The water above it is its tears
Shimmering, reflecting the peering moon.

A feather fallen on the blood-stained grass
wet and worn and withered.
The moon looks down through the cloudy, starless sky
On its little friend, so alone.
The moon accepts its imperfection,
and breaks through the clouds to hug it.

I dunno, I tried to go for a sweet ending, so please do tell me how it worked!

It's pretty good, baby girl. You should really let me read more of your things! I'm not sure if the 'sweet' ending is really the best. The whole thing seems kind of sad and dark, and the last line just doesn't seem to fit. To me, at least.

You also didn't seem to explain what the 'imperfection' is that the moon is accepting. Is it because the feather is small? Alone? You don't really need to change anything; I'm just curious. :3

lol. It's a neat piece though, sweetie.

I think I commented on this in your journal, but now th at I read it a second time, I have one thing to say about the poem besides praise.

The ending is good, but I had expected you to look down at those people and write about them, not the world. You don't have to change it but i had gotten that impression so it was a little odd for me to realize that you had switched the the scenary. I could be wrong but that is my opinion.

I love it, Baby Girl! The only thing I have critique wise is that I'm not sure 'fickle' is the word you want in the last stanza.

I can see what you were going for. Usually when people hear fickle though, they think of inconsistencies in relationships first, which might take away from the theme of the poem. It's probably fine, I'm just giving my opinion. :3

I'll need help with this one. There are two versions of it; one where the second stanza is written by me, the other where the second stanza is written by my sister. I need to know which one everybody likes better.
The poem is called Awaken the Night.

Here's one:

A gentle growl errupts in the night
Suddenly, there's a flash of light
The sky is dark, the moon's not lit
Each raindrop, echoing, hits

The sky is crying as it sings a melody
It's a lovely sound, yet so meloncholy
Purrs and roars explode from the clouds
Each one is unique and deafeningly loud

It's beautiful, and a bit alarming
And at the same time just a little calming
No target escapes the rain's true aim
Drenching the world is the storm's game

And drench the world it does
Never a more perfect storm there was
Beautiful
Powerful
It livens the sleeping night

---

The other:

A gentle growl errupts in the night
Suddenly, there's a flash of light
The sky is dark, the moon's not lit
Each raindrop, echoing, hits

The sky is crying
the moon above leers
through the steady downpour
of the sky's falling tears
Purrs and roars explode through the clouds
each one is unique and deafeningly loud

It's beautiful, and a bit alarming
And at the same time just a little calming
No target escapes the rain's true aim
Drenching the world is the storm's game

And drench the world it does
Never a more perfect storm there was
Beautiful
Powerful
It livens the sleeping night

beautiful poem, although i must say the rhyme of the second version stands out to me much more than the first.

I've decided to try to just let a poem flow out and see where it takes me. Here it goes!

Good things happen to bad people
Because bad people lead bad lives
Lives were happiness is a game of poker
Or maybe taking happiness from another
Good things happen to bad people
Because bad people need good things to get by

Bad things happen to good people
Because good people lead bad lives
And good people learn good lessons
From every pain and strife
Bad things happen to good people
Because good people need bad things

Maybe every type of people
Is living a bad life now
But I believe in people
To make it through somehow

I'm the type of person with a hundred regrets
Despite the best intentions
I know that you will never forget
And I have no peace to give 

I can say I'm sorry a thousand times
But a thousand more won't make it right
Did I ever really apologize?
I know I never shone the light
On how ashamed I was

I never banked on you falling so deep
Ever deeper into despair
I know I told you otherwise
But the truth is I really do care

And you gave me the key to your heart
So what gave me the right
To rip it out
Take a bite
And try to give it back?

We used to be so close
Best friends, you and I
We were all each other had
Because we lost her together

And not long after she died
You tried to forget her
You removed all of her things
From your grieving line of sight

But there was one thing
That you could not remove
One thing that you had to wait
To get out of your way

You wanted to start a new life
To forget the old
Forget the pain
So you threw it all away

But there was one thing
That you could not stuff in a trash can
One thing that you had to wait
To get out of your way

Well, I'm leaving soon
Give me a few months
And then you can finally forget
Your old life, and our friendship

I'm losing touch with the past
And I'm unsure if that's good or bad
I'm finally forgetting some horrors
But I'm losing my memories of her

What was it her voice sounded like?
How did her eyes wrinkle when she smiled?
Two years is an awful long time 
To go without a mother

So my poems have been pretty serious lately, and something cute and simple sounded fun. I only bothered with rhyming on some parts, and I laughed in the face of structure. I just wanted to write something fun that I didn't have to take so seriously.

The Cap'n's Wife

I'm the captain of a ship
Living a lonely life at sea
But when asked whether I have a wife
I answer yes, but she
Is better than any ordinary wife
As faithful as the sea

She follows me every day
Slinking behind me
Nipping at my heels

On the deck of my ship, she follows me
As I bark orders at my crew
And silently she stands by me

She's always been there
A comfort
Following in my footsteps

At night I know not where she goes
Whether she stays by my side
Perhaps she leads a secret life
While I'm dreaming of my own

Perhaps she steals away
And spends the night with the dolphins
Perhaps they dance and play
Until they say good morning to the moon

But I know this cannot be
She's faithful as the steady sea
The only wife I've ever known
My shadow and me

As She Passed
I was sipping my coffee as she passed
Her hair frizzed up from the rain
Her face was frantic
Her voice was cracked
She was searching for something in vain

The wind started howling as she passed
Pushing her frail figure that way
Her umbrella upturned
And then, wayward bound
She watched as it flew away

I just had to wonder as she passed
Just what kind of person she was
What she would do
Were she in my shoes
Or what I would do in hers

It struck me like lightning as she passed
The thing she searched for held meaning
Because when her umbrella
Abandoned her there
She took a deep breath and searched on

I watched from my shelter as she passed
And realized what I failed to see
She bent over
To pick it up
A pretty gold engagement ring

The Composer

Music flowed from your heart into your fingertips
Your story unfolded as the piano sang
I felt your phantom hands running up and down my spine
As your composition pierced my heart

I have never felt so close
To somebody that I do not know