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 Bits and Pieces

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Goldenglow
Hatchling
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Posts : 26
Join date : 2013-05-14
Age : 23

PostSubject: Bits and Pieces   Wed May 15, 2013 12:43 am

I will be posting certain bits and pieces of my own work here for some ratings and critiquing.

This one is from a good long while ago, but it starts the novel:

“Here they come,” whispered a deep voice next to me in the dark. Vision almost had no need in the area, pitch-black as it was. It always was this dark these days. Same with the coldness of the air. It had all changed after the war. “Now‘s your chance boy,” came that same voice, but this time spoken in a stronger tone. I could sense that menacing smile on his face as he got up, patted me on the back, and quietly scuttled off of the scene.
I shook my head and thought for a moment. Great. This ain’t quite the best time to let me prove myself guys. Letting out a sigh, I peered through a peephole - of which we’d been peering through - in the side of the structure I resided in at the present time. Three figures moved in the distance, getting closer to my location. Whether or not they knew what inhabited these buildings was unsure to us.
It was dark out there. Seven o’clock in the morning and still as dark as midnight. Clouds almost always filled the skies, blocking out the celestial shine of the sun, moon, and stars. My, what a gloomy world this has become. Our scenery was just as pleasant as the sky. A barren wasteland, with a great pool of water surrounding the main edifice. The water wasn't a pure and clear lake, it was murky and dirty. Good thing too, for most people wouldn't want to see what lay beneath the surface.
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OddandOdd
Wanderer
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Join date : 2013-12-25
Age : 22
Location : 36º 10' N, 115º 08' W

PostSubject: Re: Bits and Pieces   Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:05 am

I think its a bit too early to really say anything, but so far I like it. It catches the interest.

Mainly I would just say, keep an eye out for somewhat oddly worded sentences. Don't worry it's nothing major, but I do recommend reading aloud your work, especially sense it's first person.

Great start though!  Very Happy It's always the start that I have troubles with.
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