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 Where the Shadows Disappear

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Posts : 1413
Join date : 2009-12-27
Age : 22
Location : Somewhere in the US

PostSubject: Where the Shadows Disappear   Fri Feb 17, 2012 10:11 am

Serena squinted into the foggy morning air. A rooster was crowing, its call distorted in the distance. The sun was coming up and the world had taken on a pink glow. Anyone else would have let their guard down, but she knew what was waiting in the shadows.

An arrow shot out from nowhere, sticking in the tree behind her; a note was tied to end of it. Serena warily unfolded it and read its contents.

"Here is your reply, at the requested time in the requested place: You are correct, if you are real. We have chosen to trust you, but at an expense. We request you come meet us and bring a source of food with you. The judge has cut off our supply. For you, stranger, we have risked ourselves. For you, we have become rebels. It is your duty to lead us."

The letter fell on the ground as Serena stood there, shaking. They're real, she thought. Her hand flew to her chest as she tried to ease her laboured breathing. The would around her dissolved as the realization hit her again.

"They're real!" She blurted out. Almost instantly, a man swooped down upon her.

-------------This is just a tester. If the story gets enough positive feedback, I'll continue it.-----------------------

"I wonder how many people I've looked at all my life and never seen." - John Steinbeck

Last edited by pjkio03 on Fri Feb 17, 2012 3:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Posts : 1029
Join date : 2010-04-01
Age : 25
Location : Earth, Milkyway

PostSubject: Re: Where the Shadows Disappear   Fri Feb 17, 2012 10:30 am

Ooo....OK, ok. Let me do this in two modes.

Excited Fanboy

Hee-hee! This sounds really interesting. My mind is full of questions. I want to see where this goes. Write! Please write! Write for uuuuuss!

Esteemed Critic

I like the intrigue here. You've given us a snapshot of a world that currently makes no sense for us, at all in such a way that we want to have the basic answers resolved. I like how your character seems to be anxious. She's excited about what's going on, making us want to know more and why this should be such a momentous thing. Write! Please write! Write for uuuuuuss!
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Posts : 2184
Join date : 2009-09-14
Age : 27
Location : Your dreams

PostSubject: Re: Where the Shadows Disappear   Sun Jul 01, 2012 6:25 am

I would definitely love to see you work more on this. You were able to grab my interest, and I want to see where you'll take it from here! I've always been proud of your writing skills, so I'm interested to see what you'll be able to do if you actually try to write a full story.
On a professional note, if you want to ever get this published in the future I would limit how much you put online for now. If you're just writing it for fun, then don't worry about it. :-)

Either way, I'd love to see more, so let me know what you've worked on! As always, I'll be happy to read it and give you whatever feedback I may have.

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain

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