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 In need of input...

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Blackbird26
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PostSubject: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 2:41 pm

Okay guys, here's my problem: My book is in portuguese. Everyone I know who also writes or even likes to read, speaks english. So that leaves me a little desperate for an opinion (that's not from my mom, or my sister).
My book is awfully long for me to post here even if I could bring myself to translate it. And the whole project that it is a part of consists in 3 books separated into 2 trilogies. One in medieval times, other in the future (around 2900 and something).
*Sigh*
Anyway, what I'm going to do here is post an overview of what it's like so you guys can tell me if it's complete nonsense (in a bad way).


My land is divided into 5 cities, each one with its own ruler and laws (that in the 1st book at the 1st trilogy, the one I'm writing now. It takes place in 1360s). And also there is the forest, which holds many bandits and one predominant group is The Wolfpack which is an assassin clan. My main char is Allison Blake (Blackbird), and she is the most respected young assassin in the clan (she becomes an assassin at age 17).
The story is mainly that many of the characters suddenly discover they can do things that normal human beings can't do. Oh, yeah... There's a prophecy type thing, and a really bad dude they have to kill, but that's really not that important, lol. Not until the third book.
The theory behind it is that everything in the world is made out of the same energy. Somewhere along the way some human beings evolved to the point where they can manipulate that energy. Around the time of the second trilogy a certain event occurs, and this girl who has the ability to teleport, tries to use her ability to get away and ends up in the exactly same place, about 1700 years before.
Her sudden appearance is what causes these abilities to awaken in people years before they were actually supposed to.

Hope that didn't sound too complicated... I suck at explaining things. If there something I didn't quite make clear, or you'd like to know more details about... Ask.

And be nice flower
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Thepsycoman
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PostSubject: Re: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 5:14 pm

It sounds good, but just watch that you don't make your character a little Mary sue. Like becoming an assassin young is okay, but personally I think you should maybe have it so the older assassins don't trust her but she is loved by the ones her age or vica-versa.

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Blackbird26
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PostSubject: Re: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 5:33 pm

Oh yeah, I've been reading a lot about "Mary Sues". I try my best never to do that, because as a reader it makes me a little sick. I try to make my people believable inside my universe. Hopefully they will be.

When I say she becomes an assassin at age 17, I mean she finishes her training at that age. She doesn't really get a reputation until a few years later (21 or 23 if I'm not mistaken). And even though she is pretty much my main char and I love her, she gets slapped in the face quite a few times for saying the wrong thing, even with all the fame.
Another thing is that in the wolfpack you always have an instructor (like a mentor), who is always above you even if you are fully trained. You're pretty much always a noob compared to someone.

Thanks for the input!
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 6:30 pm

Here is a Mary sue character test.

http://www.katfeete.net/writing/marysue.php

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"The Black Pearls in the bottle... Why is the Black Pearl in the bottle?" - Captain Jack Sparrow (Fixed)
"You forgot one thing mate, I'm Caption Jack Sparrow." - Captain Jack Sparrow
"Savvy?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

<--"Click us" <--"Yeah"
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PostSubject: Re: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 6:44 pm

Okay I took it. Although I found some questions hard to answer...

"Allison Blake is only a little like you. She isn't really very cool: she blends into crowds, she hangs out on the fringes at parties, and wearing shades after dark makes her run into things. She may have sometimes thought that she was special, or destined for greater things, but probably dismissed the idea as a fantasy. She's come in for her share of hurt, but gotten off with minor damage. And she's gotten no slack from you.

In general, you care deeply about Allison Blake, but you're smart enough to let her stand on her own, without burdening her with your personal fantasies or propping her up with idealization and over-dramatization. Allison Blake is a healthy character with a promising career ahead of her. "

Funny... If she wore shades after dark it probably wouldn't affect her though. Because that's just her ability. lol!

But in general I'm happy.
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PostSubject: Re: In need of input...   Sat Oct 23, 2010 6:53 pm

Its a good result. I would be happy with that,

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"You forgot one thing mate, I'm Caption Jack Sparrow." - Captain Jack Sparrow
"Savvy?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

<--"Click us" <--"Yeah"
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